Last night I dreamed that I was with my kids in New Hampshire, with Aunt Melanie. We were having a good time, but little crises kept cropping up -- someone skinning their knee, someone getting lost on a hike at night through a swamp, etc. It was a hectic time, but I kept on top of everything, and there were no major problems. Then it was as if the dream upped the ante: we all had to go visit Emily's family, with Jeremy and two babies. Small crises continued to occur, but I still kept on top of everything, and there were no major problems. Finally the dream upped the ante one more time: we all went to visit the Polglazes (who have four children also), and it was a complete madhouse -- but I still kept it together, and was still in control, and everything was fine. It was as though I was having an anti-stress dream -- a dream that wasn't reflective of stress in my life, but of overcoming stress.
When I woke up I drew a card for the day -- Queen of Cups, which is always nice to see -- and a card to check in on my anima. A week or so ago, when I checked on her, I drew the Tower; yesterday, I drew the Page of Pentacles; and today I drew the Ten of Pentacles. She's clearly on a good trajectory, and maybe is already where she needs to be -- especially if that dream is any indication.
I then did a meditation. It opened on a grassy hill, and I could tell that it was up and 'Fire'-ward of the City of the Sidhe, a few miles from where I'd last seen her trapped under the overhang. She seemed taller and older than before, and her hair was thicker, redder, and curlier than it had been. She was sitting in meditation on the hill, basking in the sunlight and the breeze. I could not approach her, though; when I tried to, I got a distinct "not-now-I'm-busy" vibe. (In retrospect, though, it might also have been "this-happened-in-the-past-you-can-only-watch" -- or maybe more specifically "this-sequence-cannot-be-interrupted-by-you").
After a moment she got up, stretched, and became very businesslike. Her attitude seemed to be that she had places to go, things to do, and she was intent, energized, and eager to get started. She whistled, and a huge horse appeared -- it had white around the hooves, but I'm not sure of the color otherwise -- and she leapt on its back and started off. I followed, flying, or perhaps just watching the sequence. She headed further 'Fire'-ward, into the green hills, deep into a trackless forest. For a while she followed a rocky stream bed so that she could go faster. Always she was going up, very steeply.
Finally she emerged into a clearing, a great tract of farmland, and rode through them. Farmers and laborers greeted her as she passed, and she waved and called back. Soon she came to a low wall with a gate and guards; the guards greeted her and waved her through, though a couple of them went alongside her on foot. Now she was in a town, and in the center of the town was a huge hill with a castle on top. She exchanged happy greetings with the townspeople as well. And when she came to the base of the castle, she had her horse taken away to be stabled, and she ran up the steps to the upper levels, greeting everyone as she came.
At last it became clear to me that this castle was her own -- that she was Queen here. She had come back from her trip (whatever that was), and was stepping back into rulership. There were a cadre of stewards and advisors (all male, for some reason) who had ruled while she was gone, and she thanked them -- they were Eric, Richard, and Paul. She began ordering things and setting things in motion, poring over maps and making charts and plans, and looking out the window through her telescope at the sea, which spread out Fireward from the base of the castle's hill. There the sequence ended.
It seems clear that she's planning some kind of voyage over the sea.
I have no idea what's out there, except the spirits that rule the realm of Fire. (Why are they over the sea? No clue.) I visited this area briefly in meditation last year, and met a dog named Tiw, as well as a golden dragon wreaking destruction in the forest; and there seemed to be some connection with my self-destructive tendencies when it comes to my body. Part of the point of reaching out to my anima was to figure out about my self-destructive habits and see if I could dig out the root of them, so I wonder if there's a connection here? Has my anima 'awoken' and taken control of these elements, instead of allowing them to be 'wild'? There was a village of people by the sea before; I wrote this: "A small lake in the woods; a village of First Nations people; totem poles, wooden houses. A woman, older but beautiful, who leads them; we exchange gifts and stories. She tells me of area further Woodward where the trees are huge. " Any connection here?
A lot of mysteries wrapped up in this. I feel like it's not quite time to interrupt and ask what's going on -- I still should wait and see what develops, for at least a few days longer.
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