Morning, Monday, April 9:
Thinking about balance between writing & Amazon, and how freaking impossible it is. Both of them demand a lot of time and energy, and I cannot release either one, really. Leaving Amazon is obviously impossible, at least for several years. And if I just stop writing, I go nuts -- slowly, but surely.
My recent plan has been to write in the early morning, and work for Amazon the rest of the day. But I've found that it's an energetic matter -- if I pour too much personal energy into Amazon, as it's all too easy to do, then when the time comes, I can't write at all. And I've found it harder and harder to actually write in the office, especially when I know Ryan is in the next room. The upshot is that I'm left with no time, space, or energy to write, and that's unacceptable.
For today's card, I drew the Magician. Wherever I put my energy, I will achieve mastery. Well, fine, but what am I to do? ...The solution may just be to find energy from elsewhere... Or ask that one or the other of these commitments get dialed back... Or something like that. But it's something I have to decide. I can't go full tilt on both.
Evening, Monday, April 9:
Diane Sylvan: "The story begins at Card 1: Home. This is where the hero is at the beginning of the tale--the querent's mindset, life circumstances, or current situation. In most stories there are two ways for a hero to leave home--either he is comfortable there and is shaken out of that comfort by what comes next, or his life is already somehow intolerable and he is seeking a way out. "
I expect this card to deal specifically with the City of the Sidhe, and circumstances there that are dissatisfactory in some way, or unsustainably comfortable...
- Primary card (current situation): 4 of Wands. There's a lot of pent up energy around (wands), but it's structured (4) in a way that makes the "fire shine even brighter". Space is carved out for celebration and action.
- Secondary card (impetus for motion): the Chariot. Marshalling forces that appear to be contrary. Once you've settled on a direction, not much will stand in your way.
- The structure put in place by the Sidhe (who prepared the ground for this move, and have been guiding events) is collapsing, as it should. It is time to begin to replace that structure with one of your own devising. ... As the work at Amazon becomes more chaotic, less predictable, and less supportive in some ways, it is time for you to step up and provide a structure and ritual of your own -- to take to your feet and establish what you want, here in Seattle. The structure is unravelling because they (the Sidhe) are not here to guide your whole life; now that you've arrived, you need to decide what will happen. (Echoes of the Magician card from this morning again.) ... The Chariot indicates the new structure you're going to put in place, which will carry you far and fast.
- Images. -- The controlled energy of the City of the Sidhe is shown by energetic currents running through the white marble throughout the city. It's like the marble is flowing with electricity; it's almost like water. I got to see the central library, which wasn't very large, but impressive in scope, square, with a central short pillar with a crystal ball on its top.
- Lots of work activity around the Bee and the docks. Short, friendly exchanges with all the members of the crew, except the engineer (Amazon), who remains distant and polite and smiles knowingly to herself. This situation with her is unacceptable -- I need a handle on her, she's too important to the journey to remain an enigma. Some insight into the workings of the Bee itself: it flies by balancing gravity against an attractive force from the sky. Again, as with the Chariot, balance of opposing forces generates motion.