Thursday, February 24, 2011

Diet and Desert

Starting today, I began to look at dieting in a slightly different light. In the past there are three main ways I've tackled (and succeeded) at dieting...

(... I have failed at dieting in many different ways, of course... )

1) Raw willpower. This works only if I'm super-motivated, and only works for a few days. Usually only works the first time I try a diet; after that, the motivation (which comes from curiosity) fades a great deal.

2) Excarnation. What happens here is that I sort of disengage from what's going on, and keep my mind elsewhere, leaving my body to deal with the diet as best it can. This works for long periods of time, but I actually tend to lose less weight on these diets as the time goes on. This may be because I'm not mentally experiencing the diet. Also, I tend to get grumpy. This is what happened last September during my 10-day fast.

3) Gradually easing in. Since November or so, I've been gradually trying to increase the amount of raw fruit and stuff I've been eating, and that made it easier to step into an all-raw diet in February. Of course I still cheat most days, one way or another; and I take a day off every week and eat whatever I want. According to my records, I've been eating about 65% raw overall. This isn't great, but (a) my percentages are still improving, and (b) it's still meant 9 lb of weight loss (and 3% fat and and 9 inches) since we began Jan 31st.

However, reading the book "The Solace of Fierce Landscapes" has me thinking about a diet as a desert. What is going on here is a feeling of lack-as-fullness: the emptiness is so profound that it becomes a presence; and this nothing-as-something is an experience almost religious in character. I wonder to what extent this kind of attitude can help me with cravings?

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Reading on Profession

This reading was concerning my profession -- how I make my living. I know what I want to do: write! The question is, how to I transfer from Yap to writing full-time? I did a three-card reading:

Sakti of Lotuses, the World, the Future Emperor.

The flow of energy was very clearly right-to-left, starting with the Emperor, moving through the World, and ending with the Sakti of Lotuses. General reading is: Go for it. Draw back your bow and shoot. The World is ready and waiting for you. She gestures towards the union of opposites, the Sakti of Lotuses, the breath of the Lotus Buddha.

This is the second time that the Sakti of Lotuses has come up (referenced as "Queen Lotus" in the Imbolc Reading). In that reading, I took it to mean Druid Journal (as opposed to Pagan+Politics or Mere America). Since that time, I have felt new life breathed into Mere America by the prospect of publishing it in sections as an e-book. What this reading is saying, though, is that Druid Journal is still an essential part of making my writing pay: it is the largest platform on which I can build anything, and represents a foundation that synthesizes all of my interests. If Mere America is going to get a lot of readers, it's going to have to be launched with rocket fuel from there.

I asked about more information concerning the World card, and got this:

Horse (Animal of Jewels), the Eight of Jewels, and the Fool.

Reading: Focus on skilled action as a yoga, as a healthy practice. This will lead you away from the Fool, who leaps without looking, and towards the great horse who carries the jewels.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Pool in the Woods

Did a meditation tonight -- no cards or anything, just sitting and meditating. I thought vaguely of trying to contact the "Star Lady" of Appalachia, or asking Apollo about the "Eclipse" of my earlier meditation, but instead I was drawn downward. I started in the Forest of Branching Paths and took a path that led down from the main ridge into a valley. Where the path bottomed out, there was a marshy area and a pool of clear water running between damp mossy banks. I felt there was the presence of a woman here, some forest spirit of kind, but I could not see her clearly.

I felt drawn to find the source of the water, so I followed it up a little ways. It almost immediately dwindled to a trickle, bubbling out of a small close damp cave in the side of the hill. The sexual symbolism was not lost on me, especially with the presence of the woman still nearby. I still felt called into the cave, so I went deeper, until I was well in. The walls were wet and mossy and the smell was of rich earth and lush growth. There were flowers here, too -- small star-shaped pink things.

I felt like there was something I was supposed to do... I couldn't figure out what, for a while, until I decided to leave a gift. I reached into my heart and drew out a flower -- a lily, of course. I placed it right by the small crack where the spring emerged from the rock. To my surprise, the flower grew roots and attached itself there, and immediately began to grow.

Meaning: not sure, but I think it has to do with the fertility between Ali and I, and the possibility of us having 'children' -- not literal children, but children of the spirit or of craft. I'm a little excited about that possibility. We've successfully worked on projects before -- just yesterday I helped her with her new web site, for example. In a way, actually, our wedding is our first 'child' together. That's a nice thought.

Anyway, I didn't get a sense that I was to do anything about it; it was just a message Spirit had for me. I'll keep it in mind...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Traveler's Rest

Peregrin: from Latin peregrinus, "foreigner", from per (beyond) agri (country; related to acre.) Latin peregrinus became pelegrin in Old French and pilgrim in English. Tolkien borrowed the word for the real name of "Pippin" Took...

This is a place where I'll put records of my meditations, Tarot readings, and the like. As I travel through life, I'll occasionally visit this resting place to take stock and get a lay of the land. I keep finding that I forget some offhand comment made by a guide, or some striking image or thought I intended to come back to and think on. This is to help record and organize these things so that I can come back to them.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Imbolc Reading

Notes from my meditations tonight:

Spoke mostly with my Anima. I worked in a garden near the Axis Mundi that included a large pool with three 'monuments' around its edge: a huge stone, a wispy spidery 'network', and a floating ball of fiery sunlight. Kind of hard to describe. :-)

First I spoke with my Anima directly about the issues below, and then I went to each monument and 'communed' with each one for the Imbolc "what do I need to know" reading.

1) Money. I was told money issues will disappear once I have an income stream I feel I really deserve. Agreed to pay more attention to the nudges they give me about keeping on top of the money, i.e. listening more to intuition. But I also pushed back that I did deserve one, now, and negotiated for a new vision: a bottomless stack of dollar bills. What, do they think I will not spend it well?... Later I refined this vision / spell to be a 'money tree' with a layer of bills on the ground that I can gather at will. Further refinement: other people are gathering money, too -- anyone can come and gather money here. (Allays issues with 'deserving' money.)

2) Trolls. These guys come because I'm at P+P and can't control the comments properly. P+P, I was given to understand, is either a temporary gig or one I'll come to have more control over. Ride it out for now -- rely more on intuition to accept & reject comments. ("Odin told me to delete your comment.")

3) Winter. Problems are because of a lack of connection with the landscape. More walks outside, and / or connecting at Phipps, or possibly meditation on the Star Lady.

4) Raw veganism. Again, rely more on intuition. And indications this could have far-ranging effects on my personality over time. Strange...

Imbolc Reading

5) Stone. Thinning, strengthening. Yay!

6) Feather. Situation with kids and Emily continues to improve. Relationship with Ali is a continuing source of inspiration and light / guidance.

7) Light. Here I got an ECLIPSE, which weirded me out a little. Indications were that it will definitely be temporary, a sort of "down for maintenance" kind of thing, but it's curious. It's not a lack of guidance or anything, just a blackout of 'some services' sort of. More info desired here. Tarot reading:

Two Swords -> Sun -> One Swords

So currently energies are divided; they will converge (note how Buddhist Sun card includes both Buddha and Sakti) and return with One Sword, unified, new beginning.

(Why swords? Intellectual effort?)

More on the 'eclipse' (Sun card):

5 Cups -> Queen Lotus <- 3 Swords

This speaks more of the convergence of things. The 5 Cups intuitively speaks to me of Mere America, where I feel like I'm spilling my creative effort to no avail. The 3 of Swords feels like P+P to me, where I strike out intellectually and end up emotionally hurt! These things merge with the Queen Lotus -- which feels like Druid Journal to me, somehow. It's very fiery, and much more *me* than the other two projects.

So perhaps the 'eclipse' refers to breaking down MA and P+P and refocusing the energies there at DJ.