tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56315635658947869072024-03-14T05:28:44.409-07:00Peregrin's AcreJeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-54939002174865667962013-07-27T17:36:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:36:44.106-07:00Overall Spiritual Checkup<b>Question:</b> Five cards for health, wealth, wisdom, love, and life. (Body, profession, writing, Alison, and children.)<br />
<b>Deck:</b> <a href="http://www.foolsdog.com/Steampunk/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">The Steampunk Tarot</a><br />
<b>Spread:</b> Free Form Spread<br />
<b>Date:</b> Jul 27, 2013
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C44.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>First Card<br />Nine of Cups</b></div>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Material, emotional, and physical well-being.
This card brings very happy and bountiful energy with it—although isn’t there an old saying about wishes? “If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride”—no, not that one. Oh, yes: “Be careful what you wish for.”
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C10.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>Second Card<br />X • The Wheel of Fortune</b></div>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> A random occurrence is at hand.
The Wheel of Fortune represents the random hand of fate, which can be lucky or unlucky. There is no judgment or assessment of your life in this card; it is more impersonal than Justice or the Tower, for example. Randomness is as much a part of life as the natural order. This card gives you a heads-up that something unexpected is about to drop into your life.
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C25.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" />
<b>Third Card<br />Four of Wands</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Celebrating the culmination of events or the achieving of a goal.
You have probably finished up a creative endeavor and are ready to celebrate your achievement. The project will have been a group effort or involved with a group in some way. One of the charming interpretations for this card is “marriage,” because the structure resembles the bowers used at Jewish weddings. A marriage, too, is a creative endeavor and a group-related celebration.
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C05.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>Fourth Card<br />V • The Hierophant</b></div>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Living faith in everyday life.
The Hierophant is one who teaches us how to live in accordance with our sacred beliefs. When the Hierophant comes to your reading, the most important thing to ask yourself is how what you believe matches what you think, say, and do. With all teachings, it is up to individuals to take them into their heart and mind and to ultimately decide whether or not to envelop them into their life.
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C19.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>Fifth Card<br />XIX • The Sun</b></div>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Clarity that brings joy.
When this card shines in your life, it promises happiness and joy based on truth and understanding. Its presence uplifts all other cards and makes everything just a little bit better.
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<br />Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-31094123760747702852013-07-16T17:30:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:30:18.885-07:00Dreaming of a BookstoreWatching a show on television about a dance club -- kind of like Soul Train. I hopped through the television and ended up in the club, and various people invited me to do things, but I was more interested in just observing. I found that the club was in a mall, and in the mall was a bookstore; and the dream changed so that I was just waiting for someone to pick me up, so I decided to look at all the books. It was great! The books were really interesting. An employee offered me a cookie, oatmeal raisin, and I took it; it was great. And there was someone crawling around, for some reason that made sense at the time. But I kept bringing my attention back to the books, and I felt very happy indeed. Then I woke up.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-91200650383519207282013-07-13T17:29:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:29:15.298-07:00Alison's Keystone Swamp DragonAlison shows me a gorgeous little swamp creature she's found to talk about for her keystones course. It's a flying dragon, 4 inches long and translucent, looks like its made of glass. She catches one for me.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-85300947799575849642013-06-20T16:56:00.000-07:002013-07-31T16:56:20.913-07:00Worthless MoneyI took a motorboat ride for an hour or so to have a break from taking
care of the kids. Stopped at a casino / mall / amusement park before
coming back. Decided to get the kids some popcorn and bring it back.
Paid my money, but the popcorn machines had just been turned off for
the night. Couldn't get a refund, and all the rest of my money had
been turned into tokens that only worked at the park. The boat, it
turned out, was also the park's, and they were also being retired for
the night. I was stuck with no way to get back to the kids. I didn't
even have money for a bus fare. Asked people and park workers for
help, but they answered variously wearily or angrily; everyone else
was in a worse situation than I was. Finally I stomped my feet in
frustration and woke up.<br />
<br />
Six weeks later, I had a dream with a similar theme (another stress-dream about my money being made worthless): I was at a convenience store, trying to buy something small. The woman behind the counter, who was very nice but wasn't a great English speaker, was having trouble accepting my credit card. I remember reading out the numbers very slowly and carefully for her. Then she smiled and handed me a receipt: she had charged my ENTIRE credit card and changed it into store credit! I freaked out, protesting loudly, but it sounded as though nothing could be done...<br />
<br />
Woke up a bit and then fell back asleep. I had a flying car, I think, but my main concern was dashing around doing a bunch of errands.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-13594346489948933712013-06-15T17:15:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:15:33.371-07:00Eavesdropping on GenerationsFour rooms.<br />
<br />
Alison and I were in one, having an intense discussion
about what to pack (I think? Something relatively minor -- we weren't
upset, just trying to figure out the best thing to do).<br />
<br />
In the next
room my father and Emily's sister Jillian were talking about the fact
that he had gotten her pregnant, and now she was getting an abortion, and
he wasn't happy about it at all. This was where most of my attention
kept going, because they were literally in the next room and there
was no door we could close. She was calm and determined, he was
subdued but frustrated and upset, saying he would pay for everything, if she'd just keep the child secret...<br />
<br />
In the third room I think was... I forget
who -- Biff, Melanie, Charles, Diane? Boomers, anyway. Also arguing,
about something pretty important, I forget what, but it was pretty
angry and sad. We could (and did) close that door.<br />
<br />
And in the fourth
room, asleep but somehow listening to all the others, was Granny.<br />
<br />
One note: Jillian is married to Brian Tysinger, who is almost
certainly a distant cousin of mine, and of my father's. He has the same thick black hair
as all the Tysingers, and my father, and his mother (Dorothy
Tysinger).Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-31911981709752461662013-05-30T17:05:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:06:42.420-07:00Reading For My Back<br />
<b>This is for my back. </b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The Queen in the center is the painful truth-- that's clear enough. </b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The Past is maybe how I got into this mess -- living spontaneously, perhaps too spontaneously?</b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>In the future, when the crisis is over, I need to focus on serenity, so that this doesn't happen again. </b>
<b>Deck:</b> <a href="http://www.foolsdog.com/Steampunk/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">The Steampunk Tarot</a><br />
<b>Spread:</b> Three-Card Draw<br />
<b>Date:</b> May 30, 2013
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<img height="245" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" width="405" /><br />
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C38.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" />
<b>The Past<br />Three of Cups</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> A spontaneous, unexpected joy or pleasure.
You will be with people you care about, celebrating and honoring not your accomplishments but each other. This is a card of recognizing and luxuriating in the ties that bind and drinking deeply of the wine of friendship. Your collective past has brought you to this moment. This card can refer to a group of supportive friends on whom you should rely. Fortified by the strength you find in each other, you look forward to the future with confidence.
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C62.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" />
<b>The Present<br />Queen of Swords</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Someone who supports and nurtures new ideas, systems, and communication.
Smart, experienced, and very quick, the Queen of Swords is a faithful friend. She’s had experiences, not all were particularly good. If you notice a little coldness about her, don’t judge her as heartless. She has found it expedient to protect herself. If you do not want to know her honest opinion, do not ask for it. Truth is not always painful. If your idea or plan is a good one, she’ll give you encouragement, along with excellent suggestions for improving it.
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C30.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" />
<b>The Future<br />Nine of Wands</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Preparing for the next challenge.
You are preparing to take a “last stand” in your life—and you will survive. After this crisis, take some time to reflect. Has your passion for drama and love of overcoming insurmountable odds taken over your life? Are you surviving at the expense of living your life? The wands represent will, and magically speaking, our will creates our reality. If your will is focused on constant attacks and unending foes, perhaps you are drawing them to you.
Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-92115374444821046032013-05-25T17:01:00.000-07:002013-07-31T17:01:54.725-07:00The Fish-BearDuring the work we did during our retreat at the end of May, I asked my 'inner shaman' (a bear that seemed to be made of fish) for a mythic conflict to work on.<br />
<br />
He called attention to the way he is very grounded -- stands in one place
and trusts that the fish will come to him. He doesn't rush through the
forest, and he doesn't have to avoid anything or worry about hurting
anyone. He stands and waits. The world flows into the sea, the sea
flows into the fish, he eats the fish and brings their gifts to the
world.<br />
<br />
He gives me a fish. It turns to gold coins in my hands.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-46344634334216240582013-05-24T16:57:00.000-07:002013-07-31T16:58:03.968-07:00Factory ManAt work with Savanah, but work is an industrial site at some docks,
very dangerous. I think I program the robots that do the work. I'm
concerned fr savanahs safety, not just because of the industrial
stuff, but because of my co-workers -- I don't trust them. At one
point Savsnah casually steps into an elevator heading for another
floor, and I barely manage to stop it before the door closes. I grab
her out and hold her close, telling her she must be careful and stay
by me. She's sorry.<br />
<br />
Later I'm eating a meal with my co-workers; I think they're an
amalgamation of people from GD and Nuance. It's turtle soup, and we're
chatting and having the empty conversations people have at work. And
even later we're driving somewhere in a limo, dressed rather formally.
All I remember is that I'm not having a great time. :)Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-17742172171295960592013-05-20T16:00:00.000-07:002013-07-31T16:06:17.101-07:00Green Faces and Asphalt SkyscrapersA man (robot?) on the tv news with a green face. I think maybe I work
for the tv news, that I'll have to get a green face too. Shortly
afterwards im walking to work along a highway, my car is gone or
broken.<br />
<br />
Wake up, fall asleep again. In a new city, built on islands. I'm back
in my car, it's just been fixed I think; testing it in a parking lot
before taking it back on the highway. Discussing with someone how the
highway system was design by an architect who was acclaimed at the
time, but is now controversial. It rises and falls in great
skyscrapers of asphalt and steel. Driving on it I can see the city,
it's basically a desert with a few tall trees, the homes are
mansion-sized, tall and thin, with lots of glass, away from the coast.
Near the coast they're short, stubby earthen structures. To allow the
mansions to have a nice view?
The green face: I dialogued with him in meditation. He says he had to get the green face -- to become a robot -- so that people would trust him.
The Green Machine.
The idea is that people stop trusting each other; they only trust things that are predictable -- machines. Thus in capitalism, you can only trust people who are greed-driven, because only they are acting predictably.
In corporate culture, people act shallow and greedy so that people will trust them.
I had another dream about the color green a couple of days later, but could barely remember it -- something to do with a little shop selling green things.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-41407161306901817662013-05-10T12:38:00.002-07:002013-05-10T12:38:42.333-07:00Dreams & Meditations of SovereigntyLast night I dreamed that I was with my kids in New Hampshire, with Aunt Melanie. We were having a good time, but little crises kept cropping up -- someone skinning their knee, someone getting lost on a hike at night through a swamp, etc. It was a hectic time, but I kept on top of everything, and there were no major problems. Then it was as if the dream upped the ante: we all had to go visit Emily's family, with Jeremy and two babies. Small crises continued to occur, but I still kept on top of everything, and there were no major problems. Finally the dream upped the ante one more time: we all went to visit the Polglazes (who have four children also), and it was a complete madhouse -- but I still kept it together, and was still in control, and everything was fine. It was as though I was having an anti-stress dream -- a dream that wasn't reflective of stress in my life, but of overcoming stress.<br />
<br />
When I woke up I drew a card for the day -- Queen of Cups, which is always nice to see -- and a card to check in on my anima. A week or so ago, when I checked on her, I drew the Tower; yesterday, I drew the Page of Pentacles; and today I drew the Ten of Pentacles. She's clearly on a good trajectory, and maybe is already where she needs to be -- especially if that dream is any indication.<br />
<br />
I then did a meditation. It opened on a grassy hill, and I could tell that it was up and 'Fire'-ward of the City of the Sidhe, a few miles from where I'd last seen her trapped under the overhang. She seemed taller and older than before, and her hair was thicker, redder, and curlier than it had been. She was sitting in meditation on the hill, basking in the sunlight and the breeze. I could not approach her, though; when I tried to, I got a distinct "not-now-I'm-busy" vibe. (In retrospect, though, it might also have been "this-happened-in-the-past-you-can-only-watch" -- or maybe more specifically "this-sequence-cannot-be-interrupted-by-you").<br />
<br />
After a moment she got up, stretched, and became very businesslike. Her attitude seemed to be that she had places to go, things to do, and she was intent, energized, and eager to get started. She whistled, and a huge horse appeared -- it had white around the hooves, but I'm not sure of the color otherwise -- and she leapt on its back and started off. I followed, flying, or perhaps just watching the sequence. She headed further 'Fire'-ward, into the green hills, deep into a trackless forest. For a while she followed a rocky stream bed so that she could go faster. Always she was going up, very steeply.<br />
<br />
Finally she emerged into a clearing, a great tract of farmland, and rode through them. Farmers and laborers greeted her as she passed, and she waved and called back. Soon she came to a low wall with a gate and guards; the guards greeted her and waved her through, though a couple of them went alongside her on foot. Now she was in a town, and in the center of the town was a huge hill with a castle on top. She exchanged happy greetings with the townspeople as well. And when she came to the base of the castle, she had her horse taken away to be stabled, and she ran up the steps to the upper levels, greeting everyone as she came.<br />
<br />
At last it became clear to me that this castle was her own -- that she was Queen here. She had come back from her trip (whatever that was), and was stepping back into rulership. There were a cadre of stewards and advisors (all male, for some reason) who had ruled while she was gone, and she thanked them -- they were Eric, Richard, and Paul. She began ordering things and setting things in motion, poring over maps and making charts and plans, and looking out the window through her telescope at the sea, which spread out Fireward from the base of the castle's hill. There the sequence ended.<br />
<br />
It seems clear that she's planning some kind of voyage over the sea.<br />
<br />
I have no idea what's out there, except the spirits that rule the realm of Fire. (Why are they over the sea? No clue.) I visited this area briefly in meditation last year, and met a dog named Tiw, as well as a golden dragon wreaking destruction in the forest; and there seemed to be some connection with my self-destructive tendencies when it comes to my body. Part of the point of reaching out to my anima was to figure out about my self-destructive habits and see if I could dig out the root of them, so I wonder if there's a connection here? Has my anima 'awoken' and taken control of these elements, instead of allowing them to be 'wild'? There was a village of people by the sea before; I wrote this: "A small lake in the woods; a village of First Nations people; totem poles, wooden houses. A woman, older but beautiful, who leads them; we exchange gifts and stories. She tells me of area further Woodward where the trees are huge. " Any connection here?<br />
<br />
A lot of mysteries wrapped up in this. I feel like it's not quite time to interrupt and ask what's going on -- I still should wait and see what develops, for at least a few days longer.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-37602393074628259532013-05-05T12:11:00.001-07:002013-05-05T17:49:46.466-07:00The Hag Bound in the Roots<br />
<br />
This morning, just before waking, I dreamed that I was helping a collection of (male) astronauts train to go into space. I was in charge of helping them, and organizing the training. But it was not going well. Two other trainers (female) were, intentionally or unintentionally, sabotaging the effort. They spread rumors, sent inappropriate gifts at bad times, and so on. For example, they had a car delivered, as a present, to an astronaut in the middle of a crucial bit of training. The astronauts and I knew what they were up to; and we were tired of it and frustrated. But there was nothing we could do.<br />
<br />
The issue of sabotage -- especially subconscious passive-agressive sabotage -- has been forefront in my mind lately. Despite my best efforts on the conscious level, I've found that I've been subconsciously working against myself, as if some part of myself wanted me to fail. This has happened in everything from doing the dishes to my work with Amazon, and all sorts of levels in between. I've washed the same dishes multiple times, without realizing it, and without really getting them clean. I've subconsciously taken a passive, unassuming role at work, allowing opportunities to pass by and projecting an air of being unambitious. And I've sabotaged planning our vacations, ordering our finances, and my own health.<br />
<br />
It's become increasingly clear that some part of my personality is not pleased, and is trying to "break" things. The dream showed me this quite literally; and the association of astronauts with the Apollo program (!) suggested that my patron, Apollo, was the primary target here. But what part of me was behind it? Who was the saboteur? The dream suggested that there was some "feminine" aspect, but beyond that I had no clue.<br />
<br />
Before I got out of bed I decided to do a meditative technique that has worked well for me in the past: returning to the dream in visualization, and dialoguing with the dream characters. This works best if you do it right after waking up.<br />
<br />
I tried to find and visit the women. I called first for my anima, who has served as a strong link to my intuitive side, and she came. When I first met her a few years ago, she was a beautiful young woman with fiery hair (rather like Merida of the Brave movie, but this was <a href="http://druidjournal.net/2006/09/15/my-anima/">back in 2006</a>), but ever since shortly before moving to Seattle, she has, for some reason, appeared only as a mute, sexless Earth spirit, rather like a cross between a gnome and a beet.<br />
<br />
Today, however, she took the form of a whole horde of (actually rather unpleasant) earth spirits. They led me to a dank, overgrown place in the woods, where an old woman sat under an embankment. She was dressed in tatters and was herself overgrown with vines, lichen, cobwebs, roots, and so on. These held her motionless, especially her hands, the fingernails of which were so long and tangled with roots and vines they seemed to be grown into the earth. She was sitting at a desk, an unfinished manuscript next to her.<br />
<br />
The symbolism here was so blindingly obvious: she's that part of myself that feels like it never has time to get any writing done. It was terribly clichéd, but the feeling of it was nevertheless very strong.<br />
<br />
My first impulse, of course, was to try and cut her free. But I realized that doing so might prevent her from being able to complete her project. Her bottom half was dead or crippled; she would not be able to walk at all. She was half-alive. In a way, she was Hel, Loki's (and Odin's) daughter. And my feeling was that this sickness, or perhaps this brokenness, created the art.<br />
<br />
I wasn't sure what to do. I had an urge to try and take her to the City of the Sidhe for healing. But I'm frozen, not sure if I can, or if they can even help her.<br />
<br />
That morning, I discussed the dream with Alison. She pointed out to me that I've been griping about not having enough time to write ever since she's known me. Is this desire to write healthy? Is it, itself, a trap? Is it possible that this desire to write is what's trapping the woman at the desk?<br />
<br />
I wanted to get to the bottom of it, so I went to the big guns: my Buddhist Tarot deck. For some reason, this deck has always seemed to me to cut most deeply to the heart of matters, and to give me the most reliable advice and guidance.<br />
<br />
I primarily wanted to know who this old woman was, and what my relationship was with her; so I chose a Relationship spread which provided three cards each for myself, the old woman, and our relationship. There would also be three final cards of advice. Once I did the reading and some meditating, I asked Alison to give her interpretation.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqcZ_1blolTi53khhdVAlq4MPHzHjulWXuauvXNhrsLcOtbEzrvaPHLSDR2XDwdmRsOyYz7qExdBRdd2xZkbgnJNo04ogQIzy7AlV-fghpkpZrnFmLW34Nz9FEIeo5c6LAhIDCznrcNw4/s1600/AnimaRelationshipReading5-5-2013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqcZ_1blolTi53khhdVAlq4MPHzHjulWXuauvXNhrsLcOtbEzrvaPHLSDR2XDwdmRsOyYz7qExdBRdd2xZkbgnJNo04ogQIzy7AlV-fghpkpZrnFmLW34Nz9FEIeo5c6LAhIDCznrcNw4/s320/AnimaRelationshipReading5-5-2013.JPG" width="240" /></a>Three cards for self (left to right):<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Buddha of Jewels (King of Pentacles)</li>
<li>Ace of Double Vajras (Ace of Cups)</li>
<li>Young Siddhartha (Emperor).</li>
</ul>
<br />
This set of cards focuses on my projects, my job, and my plans for the future. Alison agreed, and noted that the two cards on the edge provide a safe, structured space for the expression of the wellspring of emotion in the center.<br />
<br />
Three cards for the old woman in the forest (left to right):<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Peacock - Animal of Lotuses (Page of Wands)</li>
<li>Yasodara and Siddhartha (Lovers)</li>
<li>Flag of Victory (Six of Wands).</li>
</ul>
<br />
It came to me that this old woman probably <i>was</i> my anima. The fact that she was merging with the earth in the meditation matched up with the earth spirits I got instead of her when I usually meditated. She is bound up with the earth, on the edge of death, and doesn't like it. The cards seemed to be indicating that love was drawing her in two directions; she had to make some kind of choice she was unhappy about.<br />
<br />
Alison's interpretation was that she wanted to have the freedom and vitality of the animal (peacock), but perhaps coming to realize (like Siddhartha) that there was only death that way. Instead she was turning towards the deeper love, the long-fought hard-won victory.<br />
<br />
Three cards for the relationship (left to right):<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Four of Jewels (4 Pentacles)</li>
<li>Seven of Double Vajras (7 Cups)</li>
<li>Buddha and Sakti (the Sun)</li>
</ul>
<br />
It seems clear from the Four of Jewels that I am trying to impose some kind of structure on her, but I cannot see her; she is veiled by some illusion I have. Her true nature is closer to the Sun, just as I saw before the connection between the <a href="http://druidjournal.net/2007/10/26/inner-landscapes/">anima and Bel</a>. Alison noted that the Seven of Cups does not necessarily refer to illusion, but it is a choice; and one of the choices -- often the veiled choice -- is the true self. In this reading, the Sun is the revelation of the anima's true self, and Alison zeroes in on the 'release' or 'middle way' aspect of the Buddha's enlightenment. Perhaps I am trying too hard to hold on to something -- some expectation, or formula, or plan, or structure -- and need to release it to allow the relationship to flourish. But the Buddha and Sakti card hints at the powerfully positive relationship that can develop.<br />
<br />
Three cards of advice:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>9 Double Vajras (Cups)</li>
<li>9 Vajras (Swords)</li>
<li>5 Double Vajras (5 Cups).</li>
</ul>
<br />
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<br />
The Nine of Double Vajras shows the mudra of the Buddha touching the earth, calling Her as his witness. The earth remembers what you have done, the earth knows your true self, and the earth will always support you. This card serves as a reminder of that. The Nine of Vajras is a card of worry and fear; it's reminding me to turn away from that. Finally, the Five of Double Vajras, the spilled milk, is a reminder that sometimes milk spills -- and sometimes that's what should happen.<br />
<br />
I was also reminded of the steampunk voyage reading I did a year ago (which I never did write up properly). In that reading, one of my fellow voyagers was a woman I identified as representing my 'writerly' side. I didn't think she was my anima at the time, but perhaps she was -- or at least, some part of her. She was most seriously hurt by the spinning metal ball, and went into a coma (between life and death) as we hid in a cave (more death symbolism). That night I carried her into the Lost City (a dead city) hoping to find a cure, and found the Tomb of the Red Emperor (more death). Going back in time, we were able to meet the Red Emperor in person, and find a cure for her. This ties in with the old woman in the forest being half-dead as well. I suspect this is quite an epic tale being spun out here...<br />
<br />
Alison wondered if zazen (or similar meditation that simply provides a safe space for expression of subconscious) would be a good way to start releasing structures and expectations for my anima. She also suggested performing ritual or acts to honor the earth and see its virtues, to help my anima see that the vegetation of the earth is just as "alive" as the peacock.<br />
<br />
<br />
Later in the day Alison happened upon the myth of Sir Gawain, who is forced by honor to marry a hag.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Gawain assents to treat his new bride as he would if she were desirable, and go to bed with her as a dutiful husband is expected to do. When he looks up, he is astonished to see the most beautiful woman he has ever seen standing before him. She explains she had been under a spell to look like a hag until a good knight married her; now her looks will be restored half the day. She gives him the choice to have her beautiful at night, when they are together, or during the day, when they are with others. Instead, he gives her the <i>sovereynté</i> to make the choice herself. This answer lifts the curse for good, and Ragnelle's beauty returns permanently." <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_of_Sir_Gawain_and_Dame_Ragnelle">(Wikipedia)</a></blockquote>
So again, we have the theme of allowing the woman the freedom to make her own choices, rather than trying to organize or control matters.<br />
<br />
<br />
I was reminded also of Odin visiting the dead prophetess and gaining insight into Ragnarok, as told in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V%C3%B6lusp%C3%A1">Voluspa</a>. In a lot of Germanic folklore, the seers were always women; and the dead, of course, could see further than the living.<br />
<br />
So: a lot to think about. :) I have to admit to myself that I do indeed have a very strong desire to merge my creative / artistic side with my professional work, since working can be such a drag sometimes, especially with its stressful, capitalistic soul-sucking. But perhaps the lady will simply not be bound in that way. I will sit still and silent, and see what she does.<br />
<br />
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Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-91325384894284519582013-05-02T15:55:00.000-07:002013-07-31T15:59:18.802-07:00Reading: My Life's Highest Calling<br />
<b>Question:</b> What is my life's highest calling -- the way to merge Apollo, Odin, and the others into a coherent being?<br />
<b>Deck:</b> <a href="http://www.foolsdog.com/Steampunk/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">The Steampunk Tarot</a><br />
<b>Spread:</b> Three-Card Draw<br />
<b>Date:</b> May 2, 2013
<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C32.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>The Past<br />Page of Wands</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Someone who is ready to try something new based on will, inspiration, or passion.
When the Page of Wands peeks in your direction,take the time to mentor her. She has so much natural ability and passion. She needs a bit of confidence—and maybe a little safety net—and she’ll blossom. Perhaps she will grow into a powerful ally or supportive friend. In helping her find her confidence, you’ll rediscover a little about your own.
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C26.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>The Present<br />Five of Wands</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> Conflict.
The Five of Wands is the element of fire at its most unpredictable and therefore most dangerous. There are too many unknowns and chaotic variables to make rational decisions. If you find yourself in this situation, fight if you must, but if possible, pull out of the fray. The sooner the situation ceases to be fed, the sooner it can die down. Once the energy stabilizes, you can assess the situation and move ahead more rationally.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<img align="left" height="190" src="http://img.foolsdog.com/decks/Steampunk/C07.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-right: 10px;" width="114" /><br />
<b>The Future<br />VII • The Chariot</b>
<b><i>Core meaning:</i></b> The triumph of will in difficult circumstances.
If it is your turn to drive the chariot, you will find yourself wanting to move in a certain direction. You will be confident in that decision. Getting started will be the hardest part. Things are going to conspire against you, or so it will seem. You have the skills and knowledge necessary to harness those contrary energies and head them in the right direction. Once you are moving, there won’t be much that can stop you until you reach your goal.
<br />
Journal: The progression appears to be from a new fiery youth, through a raging conflict, into a disciplined synthesis. And this pattern I've seen played out many times in my own self development. But there's no way to see how to synthesize everything ahead of time. It's a matter of working with what's there, and with what arises.<br />
<br />
So the proper question to be asking now is, what is arising? How can it be integrated?<br />
<br />
Indications are that it's the bear I should be looking to again...
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Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-49441557978299451642013-04-29T15:53:00.000-07:002013-07-31T15:54:07.004-07:00VoicesI've noticed that sometimes I 'hear' voices in my head when I'm in a very quiet place, and letting my mind empty. I think I'm 'hearing' part of my 'dreaming mind' in a way. Here's a sample. Note we've been watching a lot of old Frasier episodes this spring:<br />
<br />
<i><b>Frasier</b>: once you get some soundproofing on these walls I will move to Scotland.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><b>Niles</b>: Frasier, can you ever forgive me? I've been such a boorish lout. </i><br />
<i><b>Frasier</b>: oh, don't worry about it Niles. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Someone unknown: don't bother me with that now. Leave me alone. I'm going after my
daughter.</i>Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-23046050174702904382013-04-22T16:04:00.000-07:002013-07-31T16:04:33.054-07:00Running in the GardensI can only remember the tail end of what I think was a very long, involved dream... My children and I and Ali were dashing around the grounds of some kind of huge beautiful mansion. The grounds were filled with topiary and marble statuary, sidewalks and steps and so on. We were running from someone, I think; there was definitely urgency. We were waiting for a chance to go in the mansion and watch a movie. I remember watching the trailer at one point with them; it was going to be a Disney animated murder mystery, and for me the most interesting thing would be the animation, which was supposed to be nearly photorealistic motion capture. Finally near the end of the dream we got into the mansion and were going up a huge marble spiral staircase to see the movie. Fiona was so excited. :) I miss them.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-74202031626517662482013-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:002013-07-31T16:03:06.906-07:00Homeless ZombiesWoke up twice from nightmares. I don't remember much:<br />
<br />
1. Zombie attack: the zombies appeared very earthy, almost like
shambling human sculptures made of colored clay. Woke up breathing
heavily.<br />
<br />
2. Homeless attack: going to my car in the night, homeless people all
over the place, feeling nervous; returned to car to find a
helpless-looking homeless old lady in it; freaked out and started
huffing and puffing to try and blow her out...! Woke up breathing
heavily again.<br />
<br />
3. After a final sleep, remember something about making Alison
scrambled eggs with whipped cream. It wasn't turning out well... Turns
out you can't really scramble whipped cream. :)Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-19229899586558007742013-02-19T21:49:00.000-08:002013-02-19T21:49:57.199-08:00Penczak's Outer Temple -- Starting Out<br />
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<b>Feb 14, 2013 9:35 PM </b><br />
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Did exercise three with Alison. We used the candle on a cube altar on the floor, and burned incense. I felt a bit disconnected throughout, but not too bad. We first tried drawing the circle physically, walking around the ritual area; then we did silent visualization, and finally visualization while describing aloud. Alison did particularly awesome at the last one -- it made it very easy for me to visualize it. I may have felt that circle most strongly. Physically walking out the circle certainly worked better than visualizing it silently. </div>
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Then we practiced gathering our personal energy in balls in our hands, expanding and contracting them. We couldn't really feel a temperature change while we were doing it, but afterwards our hands were strangely warm, and Alison said she felt strange energy in her hands. </div>
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The plan is to try drawing energy from the three realms when we're out walking over the next few days. </div>
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<b>February 19, 2013 </b></div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ex. 4: Motivations</span></div>
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Ali and I talked about our motivations for this work. I wanted to create beauty both inside and out, and connected with that, I wanted to do more ritual work. There is a connection between the beauty of the means and the beauty of the ends which I want to learn more about. Ali talked about wanting to develop her sense of aesthetic and create a more regular ritual practice. </div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ex. 5: Intention Ritual</span></div>
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The ritual was short and sweet; it began with setting up symbols of the four realms plus spirit candle, then getting into ritual meditative state, weaving the circle of protection. Then we read our statements of motivation (generally what we said in ex. 4, plus asking the gods to help us) and meditated. I called on Odin, Bison, Bee, and Bear, and then visited them. The place I went was a forested area in the upper landscape, a river with many great rocks. Odin and the others were up on a small Carrock-like stone in the water. I had a little trouble seeing them properly -- I think I just need more practice -- but they were quite clearly there, along with others, rather unexpectedly -- such as Salmon, Bel, and even Bridget. Bridget in particular teased me about not inviting her, though I don't think she was really angry. Then I said look, I've asked you all here for a reason; I'm willing to learn whatever you have to teach me, but there are five primary goals in my life and they're non-negotiable: health, work, writing, Alison, kids. They agreed, some with better grace than others, and each took a realm to assist me:</div>
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- Health: Bison</div>
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- Work: Odin</div>
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- Writing: Bear</div>
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- Alison: Bridget (also spellcraft in particular)</div>
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- Kids: Bee</div>
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Bridget also reminded me of the link between my relationship with Alison and spellcraft, and the extent to which they arose in my life simultaneously, and how they can be woven together fruitfully.</div>
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<br />Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-38052052460807414932012-08-04T09:42:00.003-07:002012-08-04T09:42:28.919-07:00Lughnasadh 2012It's been a lovely Lughnasadh, with a full moon coinciding and a heartwarming ritual put together and conducted by Alison. I've been meditating more this past week and gradually getting back into the swing of Seattle life, and reconnecting with my various gods and guides.<br />
<br />
This morning in meditation I talked to various guides about various things...<br />
<br />
ODIN I had not spoken to since I started exploring the upper landscape. He apparently has taken up residence in the topmost chamber of a tower in the City of the Sidhe, and he's sitting there, drawing maps... Preparing the ground I'll be walking, apparently. I tried to look over his shoulder, and it looked like he was working on coastline up Air and Water of the central sea. He was in an excellent mood.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Alison is not in the mood for me to be writing, so I'll be rushing through this... ;-)<br />
<br />
Asked him about my writing. He said my goals were doable, as long as I held them lightly; he suggested I get up early and do my writing first thing -- ie get up and on the road 6am, at work by 7, write until 9. Do that before you do anything else...<br />
<br />
GREAT BEAR I talked to about health. She said 'eat what I eat': fruit, nuts, fish. Sounds good. And bike three times a week. Otherwise -- I'm in great shape, she said. And indeed, this morning, I'd finally lost a bit of weight. (Fat % went up, though. Anyway...)<br />
<br />
AMAZON'S ANDROID actually took me to a tower in the realm of the Garuda, where Jeff Bezos (not 'really' him, I'm sure) chatted with me. For my career at Amazon, he suggested working more on carving out a niche as a linguist. Specific action items:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Offer to give some tech talks / brown bags on discourse and predicate modeling from a linguistics point of view.</li>
<li>Start some linguistics reading groups. Are there books people might be interested in reviewing with you?</li>
<li>See about going to some linguistics conferences to catch up on recent research.</li>
</ul>
<br />
ALISON: here things were more vague; it seemed like she was wandering in some extremely high mountains past the Tangled Wood, trying to find her way, but it was misty and difficult. But I was being carried by an eagle, so I could see everything. The eagle sometimes carried her, too. I was able to locate a map and give that to her, so maybe that will help...<br />
<br />
CHILDREN: I asked for a guardian / guide to help them out, and got a huge white crow taller than me. I gave it food and white pearls of gratitude, and it seemed to come more alive as I did so. I asked it to keep an eye on the kids, to tell me how things were going, and to guard them and protect them. It agreed and took me to see where they were in my landscape. They were in the middle of a desert (them and Emily and Jeremy) and were desperately working to make a little oasis there. The only water flowing in was salty, so they had to work hard to clean the water, and everything that grew there was stunted.<br />
<br />Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-11535281908530317962012-04-09T21:59:00.000-07:002012-04-09T21:59:13.432-07:00Journey Work II: Home<br />
<b><i>Morning, Monday, April 9</i></b>:<br />
<br />
Thinking about balance between writing & Amazon, and how freaking impossible it is. Both of them demand a lot of time and energy, and I <i>cannot</i> release either one, really. Leaving Amazon is obviously impossible, at least for several years. And if I just stop writing, I go nuts -- slowly, but surely.<br />
<br />
My recent plan has been to write in the early morning, and work for Amazon the rest of the day. But I've found that it's an energetic matter -- if I pour too much personal energy into Amazon, as it's all too easy to do, then when the time comes, I can't write at all. And I've found it harder and harder to actually write <i>in the office</i>, especially when I know Ryan is in the next room. The upshot is that I'm left with no time, space, or energy to write, and that's unacceptable.<br />
<br />
For today's card, I drew <b><i>the Magician</i></b>. Wherever I put my energy, I will achieve mastery. Well, fine, but what am I to <i>do?</i> ...The solution may just be to find energy from elsewhere... Or ask that one or the other of these commitments get dialed back... Or something like that. But it's something I have to decide. I can't go full tilt on both.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Evening, Monday, April 9:</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
Diane Sylvan: "The story begins at <b><i>Card 1: Home.</i></b> This is where the hero is at the beginning of the tale--the querent's mindset, life circumstances, or current situation. In most stories there are two ways for a hero to leave home--either he is comfortable there and is shaken out of that comfort by what comes next, or his life is already somehow intolerable and he is seeking a way out. "<br />
<br />
I expect this card to deal specifically with the City of the Sidhe, and circumstances there that are dissatisfactory in some way, or unsustainably comfortable...<br />
<ul>
<li>Primary card (current situation): <b><i>4 of Wands</i></b>. There's a lot of pent up energy around (wands), but it's structured (4) in a way that makes the "fire shine even brighter". Space is carved out for celebration and action.</li>
<li>Secondary card (impetus for motion): <b><i>the Chariot</i></b>. Marshalling forces that appear to be contrary. Once you've settled on a direction, not much will stand in your way.</li>
</ul>
<i>Meditation</i>.<br />
<ul>
<li>The structure put in place by the Sidhe (who prepared the ground for this move, and have been guiding events) is collapsing, as it should. It is time to begin to replace that structure with one of your own devising. ... As the work at Amazon becomes more chaotic, less predictable, and less supportive in some ways, it is time for you to step up and provide a structure and ritual of your own -- to take to your feet and establish what you want, here in Seattle. The structure is unravelling because they (the Sidhe) are not here to guide your whole life; now that you've arrived, you need to decide what will happen. (Echoes of the Magician card from this morning again.) ... The Chariot indicates the new structure you're going to put in place, which will carry you far and fast.</li>
<li>Images. -- The controlled energy of the City of the Sidhe is shown by energetic currents running through the white marble throughout the city. It's like the marble is flowing with electricity; it's almost like water. I got to see the central library, which wasn't very large, but impressive in scope, square, with a central short pillar with a crystal ball on its top.</li>
<li>Lots of work activity around the Bee and the docks. Short, friendly exchanges with all the members of the crew, except the engineer (Amazon), who remains distant and polite and smiles knowingly to herself. This situation with her is unacceptable -- I need a handle on her, she's too important to the journey to remain an enigma. Some insight into the workings of the Bee itself: it flies by balancing gravity against an attractive force from the sky. Again, as with the Chariot, balance of opposing forces generates motion.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-23288452538984422092012-04-09T21:46:00.000-07:002012-04-09T21:46:32.027-07:00Journey Work I: PreparationThis is a brief log of a 12-day session of meditation, regular exercise, regular rest, and semi-fasting (raw vegan). I've been feeling a bit frustrated, rushed, and rudderless, as if I was being pushed around by events and people in my life, rather than feeling grounded, centered, and in-myself. That feeling is understandable, given that we just moved across the country, but now I need to get a handle on things and get my feet under me, and get a clear view of the territory. Like our plane has landed, we've disembarked, and it's time to take stock.<br />
<br />
The procedure is to use the Storyteller Spread (as outlined by Diane Sylvan) just as I did about a year and a half ago, drawing a card each evening and building up a complete story. The issues I'm trying to get clarity on will be represented by companions or objects that accompany me on the meditative journey. I'll work on doing more to establish a true <i>meditative journey</i> rather than meditating on each card separately -- I think that was a weakness of the last time I tried this.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Morning, Sunday, April 8</i></b>. 3 of pentacles. Auspicious beginning of a project of manifestation; union of spirit, logic, and physical into something of great beauty. Nice quotes from the card description (p. 209-10).<br />
<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">Evening, Sunday, April 8.</i><br />
<br />
I. <i>Draw a card for the 'stage', the landscape in which the story will take place. Meditate on it.</i><br />
<br />
<b><i>Knight of Wands</i></b>. -- A woman with a sword-cane, standing in what's obviously an Egyptian temple. ... Meditation showed that across the ocean from the docks by the City of the Sidhe, in the direction of Earth and Water, the World Tree rises out of the water in a knotted mass of roots; and built on those roots is a half-drowned city, Atlantean in origin, empty, moss- and seaweed-grown, its stone pillars carved with hieroglyphics. I am the only one who will be able to decipher them.<br />
<br />
I decide to use the Difference Engine (Steampunk Tarot, p. 288) to give a twist to this basic premise. The four cards are <i>Knight of Swords, Ace of Wands, Queen of Pentacles</i>, and <i>Four of Swords</i>; I decide to go with the <b><i>Ace of Wands.</i></b><br />
<br />
Under the <b><i>Ace of Wands</i></b> there is: <b><i>Three of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, King of Wands</i></b>. These are really powerful cards. I am set to wondering about Kings and the extent to which they represent the influence of Jeff Adams, his boss Bill, and my friend Bill, and the extent to which they might affect the course of this journey... I'm also wondering whether and how they represent parts of myself. To the extent they're Bill, Bill, and Jeff, my gut feelings are: <i>I fear them, they are Other, they will never support me, they will knock the wind from my sails</i>. To the extent they are myself, <i>I am confident of their support, and know that I can meet any challenge...</i><br />
<br />
I will set aside the question of their actual identities for now, external or internal, and assume that they are spirits that are available to assist during the journey. For example, maybe they'll supply me with a steam-ship to get me to the lost city. I think they'll do so if I promise to assist them in some way, or if they're headed that way anyway...<br />
<br />
Yes. In medtation, they provide me with a gigantic bronze and glass bee, which will be our transportation. It glitters in an ethereal unearthly way, as if surrounded by a shimmering lace network of force fields.<br />
<br />
II <i>Draw one card for each of the five 'issues': Alison, kids, health, Amazon, writing. Meditate on it to determine what kind of companion / object / steed it will be.</i><br />
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<b> - Writing</b> - <b><i>Queen of Wands</i></b>. Forceful, skillful, driven, she is the pilot of the bee, and the inspiration of the journey.<br />
<b>- Alison</b> - <b><i>Page of Wands</i></b>. Powerful, driven, but not yet skilled, she is the assistant to the Queen of Wands. (And now <i>all four Court Wands</i> have appeared in the spread.)<br />
- <b>Kids</b> - <b><i>Six of Wands</i></b>; this was unclear to me, so I drew another card, the<b><i> Page of Cups</i></b>. It seems like the kids are being portrayed as people who look up to me. I think that I will be bringing along a small bag of wooden fetishes (wands) to represent their good wishes as I embark, but otherwise I don't think they're coming on this part of the journey.<br />
- <b>Health</b> - <b><i>Seven of Cups</i></b>. Again (this theme has appeared more than once recently in my occasional readings) I'm presented with choices. I think I'll pick the dragon in the cup, and bring along a golden Fire Lizard that rides on my shoulders.<br />
<b> - Amazon</b> - the<b><i> Queen of Swords</i></b>. She's the judge. I think she'll act as engineer for the bee-flyer, but I'm not certain. She will come along, and we'll see what she does.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-55525998482270172462012-02-26T09:39:00.002-08:002012-02-26T09:39:31.413-08:00Seattle SpringI didn't realize it had been almost five months since I've updated here! Things have been very busy.<br />
<br />
In November, I took my first trip to Seattle, a business trip. The trees were still red and gold, and the temperature was perfectly cool and breezy. Thanksgiving we spent in Lancaster. December was very busy with preparing to move and Solstice and so forth; we spent Solstice with the kids in Pittsburgh and Lancaster, and then on Christmas itself we spent a few days relaxing at the Inn on Negley. Looking forward to doing that again in the future -- a perfect place to spend Christmas. Then the 2nd week of January we flew to Seattle and found our apartment; the third week I had to go to Las Vegas for a business trip; and then the next week we moved out. The final week of January we were driving across the country. We spent two nights in Albuquerque, and I particularly felt the landscape there; it was like I'd tipped over the edge of the world at last and was coming to the Glittering World, as the Navajos call it... And on Feb 1 we rolled into Seattle.<br />
<br />
Then there was a lot of unpacking and cleaning and whatnot, and both Alison and I have been a bit off-balance since we arrived. We've gotten in touch with some local friends, and taken some long walks in the neighborhoods and parks, and we're starting to get our bearings and establish some routines. The last of the packing materials were taken away on Wednesday, and then Friday Ali got sick -- as though her body were waiting for a chance to do some spring cleaning.<br />
<br />
The biggest psychological trouble has come from trying to work out division of child visitation with Emily. I'm not going into all the details here, but basically we spent a lot of money, Emily did not budge, and we're out of money for getting a court of any sort. The lawyers milked us and we got nothing. So there's no change to our custody agreement. I've felt badly betrayed by the lawyers.<br />
<br />
There are a number of meditations and dreams I've been meaning to include here:<br />
<br />
The higher-level country I've mentioned before -- I don't have a name for it -- is strongly connected with Seattle. The forest by the water, with the elvish city and the stone quays, this is the landscape here. The trees are exactly the same as what I saw in meditation -- not just in how they look, but in how they <b>feel.</b> The grassy field out beyond the trees: not sure what that is yet, but the white standing stone is some sort of hub, a spiral / web connection with all things. Not the World Tree itself: that I've located further in the Earth direction. In general I've gotten more of my bearings at this 'higher' level; I found Apollo, too, and he's in a lower marshy area (!) with a fountain, a very watery temple, but with taller columns and a tall fountain.<br />
<br />
<b>Some notes from a meditation around Dec 1:</b><br />
<br />
<i>First card:</i> Wheel of Fortune / Reincarnation. Divination: this is a time of change, and a time when things can happen by chance. Seek the center, seek balance; take care of yourself.<br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>3-card reading:</i>
Page of Pentacles / Horse, Animal of Jewels: prana, motion, energy. Facing right, towards...
The Hanged Man / the Invalid: suffering, sacrifice, for yourself or others. The invalid is facing towards...
Siddhartha's Visit / The Chariot: again, motion, but with ideas of balance, curiosity, self-examination.<br />
<br />
Overview: there is so much motion here, and again a warning that I need to seek balance and take care of myself. I think I need to insist on doing more zen reading and more meditiation. I like's Steve's advice (http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2011/11/why-logic-always-fails-you/) about how to listen to the heart. I find that when I focus I can hear it very strongly, and I realize that I'm sort of always listening to it, even when I'm unconscious of it. It usually wants things like Rest, Exercise, or Food of a certain kind (often juice or fruit, but sometimes nuts -- never cheese, grain, sweets, etc. It's my brain that wants those things, to give it energy to focus on what *it* wants to do rather than focusing on Rest, Exercise, or Food. :-)
Interesting to think of Light as not just a realm in its own right, but also that which serves to illuminate and clarify the other realms.<br />
<br />
<i>4 cards, one for each child:</i>
Savanah: Empress. Keying in to 'the beauty for which one sacrifices'. The potential of great beauty and love.
Jerilynn: 2 2xVajra (2 Cups), 2 fish; piscean imagery. The two fish are the two eyes of the Buddha. Subconscious becoming conscious (more Pisces / 12th house stuff... interesting!)
Josh: Peacock: Animal of Lotuses / Knight of Wands. Transforming poison into beauty.
Fiona: 6 Jewels. Charity.<br />
<br />
I think I should set up four homes for the four kids in my inner landscape, and charge my anima with checking on them and alerting me to problems & solutions (& preventing problems). Josh I think goes on the edge of the Forest of Branching Paths, not far from Apollo's temple; Savanah goes on the opposite hill; Jerilynn down by the garden by the sea, and Fiona at the edge of the Sun Prairie.<br />
<br />
<i>Alison:</i>
Pretty remarkable:
Dakini of Vajras (Page Swords) -> Sakti of Lotuses (Queen Wands) -> Sakti of 2x Vajras (Queen Cups)
Moving from air, through fire, to water. Reawakening Alison's watery self, to take up Queenship of water. A very vague message. Specifics: patroness of generosity. Refrain from taking what is not offered, and be generous; reflect on the impermanence of life. She is the one who guides from birth and death to Nirvana. She is the darkness after sunset.<br />
<br />
<i>Emily:</i>
Lovers (Sidd. leaves Yasod.) -> 2 Jewels -> Chariot (Sidd. sets out).
My interpretation: remember why you left Emily: not just for you, but also for her. She has had a lot of trouble letting go, and at present things are still frozen (2 Jewels), but it's the final stage: you will soon be off on your chariot. Remember this and it will help you to be strong if there is any trouble. You are doing this for her as well.<br />
<br />
<i>Work / Bear / Amazon:</i>
10 Jewels -> 9 Jewels -> Sakti Lotuses. Moving from a time in which I was being foolhardy with wealth, to a time of proper abundance and luck, and coming up on a time of creativity, contentment, protective white light, wisdom of love.<br />
<br />
<i>Health / fitness:</i>
From a place of abundance (but, notably, not overabundance -- I am being praised for what I've done so far) (9 Jewels), I move via balance, curiosity (Chariot) and introspection (Ace Vajras) and to a place of healing (5 Vajras) through deep wisdom (Sage). The final outcome is physical manifestation of what has been envisioned (4 Vajras).<br />
<br />
<i>The move itself:</i>
3 Lotus: renewed energy and freedom via compassion.
<i>Writing:</i>
Karma / Justice: walk with destiny; divine forces are arrayed with you.<br />
<br />
<b>Visions / Dreams:</b><br />
<br />
<i>Dec 26.</i> On the cliffs above the sea, feeding body fat to the golden lizards.<br />
<br />
<i>Feb 1.</i> Surrounded by mountains, white-capped. They are gods.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-91844787468406539022011-10-04T19:37:00.000-07:002011-10-04T19:37:13.809-07:00Gathered Thoughts and Meditations - Late SummerIt's been a long time since I updated; and there are a number of insights and meditations I want to gather up and put here.<br />
<b>Insights</b><br />
I've been working slowly through the implications of the body meditation I mentioned in the last blog post. As in so many cases before, the most profound effect of the meditation is not the conscious insights of the meditation, but the release of subconscious blocks or false beliefs, which make things easier (without me always knowing why!). I've found it easier to eat according to what my body wants, despite the stress and hurry of the last 3 weeks. I haven't actually weighed myself since getting back (I haven't felt a strong desire to) but I know I haven't put on (or lost) much weight, despite everything.<br />
I feel strongly that the next step is slow, incremental integration towards raw vegan. That is, something like: week 1, eliminate fish; week 2, eliminate cheese; week 3, eliminate white grains; etc. For exercise, I'm following my body's desire to take a break from running and focus more on walking, yoga, upper-body, and (perhaps before October is out) swimming.<br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><b>Zion Dream & Meditation</b></span></b><br />
The wedding did not exactly go all that smoothly... So in Zion I asked for some information about that.<br />
Dreams: two stand out. In one, Melanie wrote to us to tell us it would be fine for the kids to stay at Quiet Hills with me over the summer, but we'd need to watch out for a few things -- including the children at the playground with 'contagious' lupus. (Lupus is actually an autoimmune syndrome, either congenital or environmentally triggered. Not sure what that's about.) In the other... David Tennant was giving me acting lessons so that I could be more 'authentic'....!<br />
Meditation: the spirits blasted a tunnel through a granite mountain for us (not unlike the stone towers in Zion). It meant we didn't have to climb all the way to the top to get over; although we climbed a huge portion of the way. On the other side of the mountain is a misty pine forest, and we are advised to proceed, but cautiously: 'moccasins in the mist'. My best guess is that this refers to navigating the journey from Pittsburgh to Seattle. There was other bits too, answering my query about why our wedding was not-really-perfect, and the answer has to do with our attempt to satisfy both the human demands (particularly those of Ali's family) and spirit's demands, and that it was just impossible to do both.<br />
<b>From L's Reading</b><br />
We checked in with psychic Lumari in Santa Fe. Some of the highlights of the reading, as far as I can remember:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>The future of the couple:</li>
<ul>
<li>We're a good match -- Jeff as detail-oriented, active, directed, while Ali as big-picture go-with-the-flow. Practical in the sense of seeking harmony in matters, but not 'dull'.</li>
<li>Financially we will have nothing more to worry about, but money will have no hold over us.</li>
</ul>
<li>Jeff's career:</li>
<ul>
<li>Leadership position. Helping people be better.</li>
<li>Nothing about writing, but she suggested 'playing with words', thinking about apps that allow the user to compose 'spells' based on phonosemantics -- interactive things that encourage engagement with the spiritual underpinnings of words</li>
</ul>
<li>Ali's career:</li>
<ul>
<li>13 Moons. General advice about how to find inspiration. Asking 'who are you talking to? who your audience?' Ali didn't know. NOT topic, but audience.</li>
<li>Ali doesn't do well with assignments, but she's been treating this as an assignments, which leads to procrastination</li>
<li>Now that Jeff is doing really well, Ali can afford to relax and focus more on her art(s).</li>
</ul>
<li>The kids</li>
<ul>
<li>She suggested 3 one-month visits rather than 1 3-month visit, suggesting it would be (a) easier on the kids and (b) less traumatic for Emily. Or: allowing Em to pick between the options would give her a sense of control and reduce her opposition. </li>
<li>Em worried about kids education? When they're away from her, will their education be neglected?</li>
<li>Also important to start getting the kids feedback on plans, since this is something Emily does not do.</li>
<li>More generally: getting kids to think about how they can give back, what gifts they can offer</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<br />
<b>This Morning's Meditation</b><br />
Asking for general information... I got a vision of a gully / gulch / arroyo in the desert; I was there, standing next to a stunted tree at the bottom of it. (It was an evergreen with bark that sort of peeled...) My anima said this landscape was sort of where I was now: in a tight spot, the going was a bit rough, but it was the best option for now. Soon the landscape would open out some, but for now it was best to follow the water, even though it meant you couldn't see far. Climbing to the top to get a better view would just be a waste of time.<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-13679032414663465882011-07-04T08:47:00.000-07:002011-07-04T08:51:38.737-07:00Reading, Midsummer to Lughnasadh 2011<p>Last night I did a couple of readings. It's been a crazy-busy June, and though I intended to do more <a href="http://peregrinsacre.blogspot.com/2011/05/reading-beltane-to-midsummer-2011.html">meditation and grounding</a>, that really didn't happen. I have done a lot more exercise, and have been eating <em>reasonably,</em> considering everything; but the travel and business have taken its toll. You can tell, because I'm doing this midsummer centering about two weeks late. :-)</p><p>I asked two main questions:</p><h2>HEALTH</h2><p><em>How can I achieve optimum health?</em></p><p><strong>5 of Vajras | The Sun | Karma / Justice</strong></p><p><strong>5 Vajras.</strong>The healer, one who heals, ability to heal.</p><p><strong>The Sun.</strong>Union of conscious and subconscious; bringing the subconscious to light; dispelling illusions.</p><p><strong>Karma / Justice.</strong><br />Freedom; break with the past; also, at one with divine law & justice. Right action that is earned and deserved.</p><p>I wasn't clear on this (of course), so I meditated. Basically, the meaning is this: the healer (5 Vajras) is the body itself. The conscious/subconscious union (the Sun) is learning to hear the body and respond as a single organism. The right action, the divine law (Karma) is the action and law of the body itself.</p><p><strong>The Meditation</strong>In meditation, I met a goddess; she identified herself only as the "Goddess of the Body". She had tight, curly, ruddy-brown hair, wore a toga, and had black eyes with star-specks, like Apollo. I met her by an open pool, edged with marble; I had a sense that there was a forest of some kind behind me -- the Forest of Branching Paths, I think. She took a large clay pitcher and kindly gave me a drink from the pool (nb: I <em>was</em> thirsty). The pool was connected to a bunch of others in a rough representation of the body, or at least a spinal column. Water flowed from one pool to another down a gently sloping hill. At the top of the hill was a temple of sorts, with a throne for the goddess, open to the air; there were many birds throughout. Not sure where this 'fits' in my internal landscape; more later, doubtless. She seemed friendly, but a little impatient with my inability to connect with her strongly.</p><p>In other words, I need a tighter connection with my body's messages, and it will tell me what I need. In particular, I need to <em>ask the body</em> what I should eat, <em>RELEASING ALL EXPECTATION</em> -- otherwise I'll color it with expectation or desire and drown it out. There should be no pressure to eat what I 'should' eat, or what I 'shouldn't' eat; just let it be what it is.</p><p>I think the 'releasing expectation' thing is the key; and focusing on the Goddess's face may help me out here, too. That seems to help me focus and 'hear' the body. But I'll need to try it, practice it, to see how it goes.</p><p>Another note here: I think it's most important to keep track of what I'm eating <em>on average.</em> When my <em>average</em> raw % climbs up into the 60-70% range, that's when I start losing weight.</p><h2>WORK / LIFE</h2><p><em>Tell me about work / life balance, and advice for the coming weeks (ie between now and Lughnasadh).</em></p><p><strong>Garuda (Animal of Double Vajras) | The Fool | The Sun</strong></p><p>I had no idea what this was about -- except that the Garuda appeared before when I was working on setting boundaries, so it was great that it returned to help me again. I dipped into meditation immediately.</p><p><strong>The Garuda</strong> I returned to the Garuda's eyrie, and he led me up on past it along the staircase up the World Tree. To my surprise, we went just a bit further and the stairway petered out and faded away. Going beyond this point, he said, you have to fly (ie relying on another spirit generally in my case, or merging with Apollonian energy in some way) or <em>build</em> the staircase (which requires extraordinary focus on a particular goal). This is</p><p><strong>The Fool</strong>...Launching yourself without a goal in mind, or without a firm grounded center, leaves you without a staircase. The Garuda said that when scheduling, or setting boundaries in life (whether in time or in personal relationships) it's important not to build fences, but to create <em>centers.</em> The edges will take care of themselves if you make the centers solid. So instead of saying "I'll work on the novel between 830 and 1030", say, "I'll center my novel work around 930." And instead of saying, "no", you focus your activities on what's important, and the other matters will fit around them -- or not.</p><p><strong>The Sun</strong>The Garuda flew me up into the branches of the World Tree to visit some of the worlds there. We came to the 'higher' world I think is associated with my fiction writing career, and I realized that the reason I can never see things 'properly' up there is that I'm short -- I'm literally a child.</p><p>I don't think I've described this 'world' in detail before, except to mention it briefly <a href="http://peregrinsacre.blogspot.com/2011/04/novelist-and-linguist.html">here</a>. Basically it's a whole 'nother landscape at a 'higher vibration' than the old one; it's usually very misty, and the colors less vivid. Also, as I mentioned, it's harder to 'see' things; and I have less freedom of movement. It makes sense that I am a 'child' here -- I can't see the tops of things or around them without a lot of work, and there are some areas I simply can't go at all.</p><p>There are two areas here I've explored. One is the Delta area, which I've described before. If I get on a boat on the sea here, I'll arrive at the second area. This is a wooded region (pine trees I think mostly, with a forest floor coated with pine needles -- I think it's influenced by the area around my grandparents house in Norwood) inhabited by beings I think of as 'elves', with slate-white robes; some are bearded, some have long white or blond hair; they are kindly, and they care for me. They have a home, or complex of homes, here in the trees, which are much like the house at Rivendell in the movie LotR. A perfect place for relaxing and recuperating; and I get a sense that part of my spirit spends a fair bit of time here, doing just that. There are rooms with cozy fires, and somewhere in it I have a small bedroom where they often tend to me...</p><p>By the lake, the complex of homes has a dock or pier area, made of marble. I do not know if vessels ever visit here.</p><p>Beyond the forest is an open meadow (again, a lot like Norwood) with a complex 'henge' of large white stones. It is definitely astrological in pattern. In the center of it is a tall white stone, which I think has carvings on it -- though the mists are always thick here, and I can never visit without my tall white guardians. The tall white stone is directly 'above' Apollo's temple below.</p><p>Beyond that, I can't see much of the landscape. I get the impression of forests and mountains beyond the meadow in the direction of Air, and away towards Fire I think there are bona fide deserts, perhaps with tall stony towers like one finds in the American southwest, but I'm not sure. I know it is a region of <em>horse</em> somehow.</p>Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-51399662874673083712011-05-25T16:30:00.001-07:002011-05-25T16:32:35.057-07:00Thoughts at the Angel OakSome random thoughts I had while walking around and under the Oak today:<br /><ul><li>Most trees are a tall trunk, from which spread the branches in a halo. The human body is much the same. Slightly different theme for most animals: a horizontal trunk, supported by multiple limbs. Human architecture tends to follow the animal form, oddly enough. Exceptions include Fuller's house, and the yurt.</li><li>The Angel Oak has multiple support points, like an animal; but the overwhelming impression is more like an atom or an amoeba, with a central pillar that branches in all directions.</li><li>Time. Time is measured in changes. Something that changes little... time moves more slowly. The Oak moves slowly compared to humans, but it still loses and regains its leaves each year (in the spring); it is not changeless. Humans tend to come and go quickly, rather than lingering under it.</li><li>It is a sculpture carved by gravity, light, air, time, and the forest around it. The branches curve and twist in unexpected ways, echoes of obstacles the tree once faced, now long-gone. For some reason, it hasn't grown to the east. Maybe there was a building there, or another large tree, now vanished? </li><li>The tree has grown to become an axis mundi. It exerts its influence on the land all round it, physically and spiritually, so that it echoes the oak; and the oak reflects the land all round it, too. Of course, this is true of all things; it is only our manners of seeing that pick out axes mundi.</li></ul>Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-87326483981948967852011-05-09T12:13:00.000-07:002011-05-09T12:23:39.362-07:00Reading, Beltane to Midsummer 2011<span style="font-style:italic;">What advice do you have for Jeff between now and the Solstice?</span><br /><br />Alison did this reading for me: <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Judgement | Hanged Man | Page of Pentacles</span><br /><br /><h4>Judgement</h4>A call to new beginnings, restoration and wholeness, absolution and forgiveness. New life arising from death, a time of joy and rebirth. The trials and tribulations have passed and you are called, by destiny or a greater purpose, into renewed life in the light of a new dawn. Also, a time to reflect on the past and understand how the actions of yesterday have helped to shape today.<br /><br /><h4>Hanged Man</h4>Self-sacrifice, especially for the greater good. A time of release and surrender, letting go of the effort and will normally exerted towards concrete or practical accomplishments; instead, withdrawing into solitude, contemplation or more mystic/"spiritual" pursuits. "Turning the world upside down" to gain new perspective. This may be a period of difficulty - it depends on how willing or unwilling the sacrifice is.<br /><br /><h4>Page of Pentacles</h4>Opportunities for new growth and prosperity, a spark of initiative and potential offered. Grounded in earthy qualities like diligence, responsibility and practicality - relying on the tools and resources at hand - there is still a certain lightness and playfulness that accompanies every new beginning or intriguing opportunity. Also suggests an enjoyment of physical pleasures of the five senses, possibly in particular an engagement in nature (perhaps a literal garden?).<br /><br /><h4>The Story</h4>The energy of the cards doesn't seem to have one clear direction. The Angel of Judgement faces to the left to sound her call, but both the Hanged Man and the Page seem to face forward or out of the card (though the Hanged Man's body is turned to face towards the right, his head hangs down so that he's looking almost behind him). Considering the association of the Judgement card with the events of the past and the Page of Pentacles being associated with new opportunities, there is some indication that the energies should be read from left to right like a simple past-present-future spread. In this case, Judgement might be strongly indicative of the transformation and new life of spring (associated so strongly with Beltaine, especially with the undertones of death and "breaking free"). The Page of Pentacles might be associated closely in time with the Solstice, then - perhaps in a very literal way, as a time when your activities and projects are "bearing fruit" in the form of new opportunities or potential being realized… but in a way that still demands continued steady work and commitment in a very practical, grounded way. In the meantime, there's a suggestion, by the Hanged Man, of acceptance or surrender, perhaps a period of rest and release, turning inward to seek the inner wisdom of spirit… or perhaps simply in preparation for the work to come, in order to gain some new perspective or insight that might be useful for taking full advantage of those future opportunities when they arise.<br /><br /><h4>My Commentary</h4>This echoes a lot of what I've been thinking and feeling the past few days. I feel like I need to retreat a little, find my bearings and my touchstone. To that end I've decided to join DOTR and work on their aspirant path for a while. I also feel strongly called to get back into exercise, and commit more firmly to eating better. None of this is particularly creative or groundbreaking work; it's more about stepping back and shoring up the foundation, making sure I know where the ground is, so that I have a place to stand.Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631563565894786907.post-64414325060306162292011-04-20T08:41:00.000-07:002011-04-20T08:45:44.181-07:00Guides and Planets, Temptations, Hermits, and a Cup<p>I did an exercise in which I tried to pair my spirit guides with the planets, and came up with this:</p><ul><li>Odin: Mercury, possibly Saturn?</li><li>Bison: Earth, possibly Saturn? (Note: association between Bison & Odin, too.)</li><li>Dragon: Jupiter</li><li>Apollo, Great Bear: Sun</li><li>Buddha: Outer Planets</li><li>Anima/Bel: Moon, Venus (and Sun?)</li><li>Cernunnos: Mars</li></ul><p>Interestingly, I had trouble placing Saturn. And I wonder if I should get a 'fetish' for Carnunnos? I have one for all the others (except technically Apollo, although theoretically someone is making us some symbols...)</p><p>I have an idea to ask a guide for their 'big message' once per night for the next six nights. Something I could perhaps repeat on a weekly basis.</p><p>I then decided to do two readings, one for Odin and one for the Anima. In both cases I did the reading last night, and the meditation this morning.</p><h2>Odin</h2><p>2 of Double-Vajras <- Mara -> The Middle Path (Temperance)</p><p>A tricky reading! Odin is shooting for the deeper lesson, since I already know he wants me to work on <em>Mere America</em> more. My first guess at this deeper lesson is this: fear can lead to two errors: dividing your time between too many projects, and trying to moderate and temporize your writing habits too much. Writing is something that you cultivate with daily practice, but when the inspiration starts flowing, you don't cut it off. Ok, and I think the plan I'm hatching (to work on different projects based on the moon phase) is a good shot at that.</p><p>The meditation: I spoke with the Old Man of the Delta; we sat on the top of his little tower and watched lights in the sky. His message essentially was: Don't allow your fear of not finishing the book interfere with your spiritual connection when writing & revising & marketing it. It WILL happen, in its time. Relax and allow it to do so.</p><h2>Anima</h2><p>9 Vajras <- Hermit -> Ace of Double-Vajras</p><p>Fascinating -- this is almost <em>exactly</em> the same reading as I got about a month ago, which led (in meditation) to associating the Hermit in the tower with the Old Man of the Delta. The Ace of Double Vajras is different (it was originally the Father). Interesting, since I'm specifically asking my Anima, not Odin, who I normally associate with the Hermit.</p><p>In meditation, I spoke with the Hermit in the Garden of the Anima. He showed, just as before, how allowing myself to try and bear the weight of the world would only lead to age and death. Instead, I need to let the gods bear the weight. The Ace of Double Vajras (Ace of Cups) was a huge chalice of water I drank from, and I felt the deep connection and love flowing between all of us there in the garden.</p>Jeffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358942133639236705noreply@blogger.com0