1) I have all kinds of trouble actually sticking to a fully raw vegan diet. I've been about 60% raw vegan overall, but there's still at least one meal every day where I have something cooked or fatty.
2) I tend to get stuck at certain weights, and can't push past. I know what to do to push through -- sticking more strongly to raw, or exercising, will work every time. But I can't summon the willpower to do that, even for the one or two days it'll take to make the breakthrough.
However, I think I have a conceptual breakthrough here, based on these readings I've done. Here are my notes:
March 5:
Bison is the guide here.
The Empress, the Star, the King of Pentacles
(Yasodhara, the Chakras, the Buddha of Jewels)
Flow of energy *appears* to be towards the center, although it seems possible that the Star is blocking energy moving from the Empress towards the Buddha of Jewels.
I'm having a very tricky time with this reading, showing that there IS a major blockage or illusion of some sort here. If it's a central destination pattern, then perhaps... perhaps it's telling me I need to give gifts to... the star? does it represent my body here? I'm looking more and more at the kundalini / snake image in the Chakra card, and thinking more about energy blockages. Is it a matter of using Yasodhara and Buddha / Jewels energies to break the blockage, wherever / whatever it is?
Running seems to help with the blockage, slightly. Yoga does, too, but even less. Long hikes, lots of time outside, that really helps a lot. Getting fired up creatively, that helps to. Relaxing, getting lots of sleep. What does this tell me about where the blockage is, ultimately?...
Hrrrrrrrmmmmppphhh.
Ok, I'm opening it up. NINE more cards to give me more insight here. What is the Empress? What is the Star? What is the King of Jewels here???
EMPRESS:
Buddha of 2xVajras; two of lotuses; 8 of lotuses. Reading here clearly has to do with merging of energies, a central destination. From the left comes the King of Cups, which is basically my emotional core, generosity and watery mutability; from the right comes the harvesting of growth; they meet in the middle with two jugs being poured into a cauldron. So the Empress is my emotional and practical fecundity and generosity.
STAR
The Dakini of Vajras dances between Mara on the left and the 3 of 2xVajras on the right. The Dakini here is my mind trying to solve this issue, I think; she's quite the dancer, and tries to use reason to separate Mara from... What? Teaching, especially effortless teaching. perhaps this is teachers like Tim Ferriss and the 811 people -- teachers my mind puts faith in, tries to escape Mara by running to them.
Hmm.
BUDDHA OF JEWELS
The Fool, the Mother, 7 Lotus. Energy flow is definitely from right to left, but the Fool is facing the direction of the flow. 7 Lotus is anger, and the dispersal of anger.
??
March 6
Beginning to think this is related to my 2nd chakra (variously said to be ruled by Pluto & Jupiter & Mars), which is somehow blocking energy from above? and my 3rd chakra is picking up the slack and so I have weight gain there.
If it's the 2nd chakra, then this is one prescription I found online:
HEALING STRATEGY: Movement therapy, emotional release, inner childe work, boundary work, assign healthy pleasures, develop sensate intelligence
AFFIRMATIONS:
I accept and acknowledge my sexuality. My physical health is strong and pure.
I deserve pleasure in my life.
I absorb information from my feelings.
Life is pleasurable.
I move easily and effortlessly.
This seems related to the sensual and sensate messages of the Empress and the Buddha of Jewels.
Something about increasing *fluidity* in that area?
How does this relate to the stuff I pulled up on the Star: Mara, Dakini Vajras, and 3 2xvaj?
Fool -- elephant -- remembering
Thinking on those three cards again... Perhaps something to do with moving away from 'fear' and towards curiosity or a positive goal. The best teacher is the teacher-by-example; the teacher who IS what he's teaching, and therefore teaching is effortless. Think more on what your goal is, then: focus on who you want to be, not what foods you should or should not be eating.
This advice, perhaps, reflects the meditaiton this morning in which the Mother figure talked about the false dichotomy between who I am and what I eat!
Sooo -- focus more on who you want to be. ?? Hm.
March 7
Now beginning to think this is most powerfully related to *grounding*.
My weight issues began to really take off when I started spending less and less time outside, and more and more time with cerebral friends playing games.
The times I've lost weight most successfully have been times when I spent hours outside each day, either jogging or walking to and from classes.
Looking back, it seems to me that the times I've been able to keep to diets most are times when I've spent a lot of time outside. The theory would be that eating actually *helps* *me* *ground*, by literally physically consuming part of the earth. So...
Upshot
The big take-away here is grounding. If I take my time to rest during the day, meditate regularly, and especially to ground myself in my body, I can much more easily resist the urges to eat heavier foods. Yoga, bare feet, stimulation of the feet, walking and jogging... All these things help tremendously.
