Meditation on the 11th house and relationships. Moving away from Mother towards the Knight of Swords. Fascinating... Sacrifice of sin (of some kind -- 9 Lotus) to facilitate this. Meanwhile, I'm getting the 3 Vajras, Reincarnation, and Heirophant in the associated houses.
Overall feeling I get is one of moving away from my usual relationship attitude, which is a very caring and supportive role, towards one rather more prickly, the Knight of Swords. This is necessary because the Mother energies are coming from some kind of sin / unhealthy place.
I want my Anima to help me out here.
Meditation: I went and spoke with a beast in the Abyss of Fear, who I asked to tell me what his beef was. He said he was afraid I was growing too attached to Alison, that everything could blow up in a nasty mess, not just for myself but even more, for her and her family, and I wasn't preparing myself for that. I understand that he's a part of my subconscious that is worried about hurting her. I considered what he said, and I think he was right.
I can't control everything that happens, but I can do the magical work to help make sure no one gets hurt here, no matter what happens; and I can work on myself and this marriage and do everything I can for it. But for now I am extremely thankful to have this issue brought to light, where I can work on it and keep it from blowing up in a nasty way!
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